2001-07-13 - 6:01 a.m.
I may be witnessing the worst movie of all time. Here's the plot, a rock star sends for the son he has never met. The kid is in military school. His mom has just died. Rock star dad uproots him and takes him on the road. Dad wears leather pants, an open silk shirt with tinsel around his neck (no shit, fucking Christmas tinsel) and a somewhere between Jim Morrison's Alexander the Great quaff and a mullety shag. The best part is they show Dad's songs in their entirety. About every ten minutes there's another song, and we're talking the most horrendous eighties synth driven uptempo ballady crap with Dad's Michael Bolton screeching way up front. Right now it's the big "dues" song. You know, the compulsory "it's really hard being a rock star and playing in a different town every night" song, called of course, "One Night Stand" The kid goes off with the drummer one night (drummer's name? Animal! How original.) They go to a honky-tonk, get into a bar fight and land in jail. Dad is very disappointed. Rock star, Chris Dalton is his name by the way, gets his face on the covers of Life and Rolling Stone but is beginning to realize that his life is actually kind of empty whereas his son actually misses military school. I wonder if they're eventually gonna find mutual fulfillment via their father/son relationship? Gee… Oh wait, now it's montage time. The kid has learned how to adjust microphones on stage. Hey! He's a roadie! He's helping out his poor old rock star dad. Now suddenly they're playing softball, it's the big game. They're playing some redneck team, it's the last inning, they're down by one, Dad's on second and the kid's up. He belt's a base hit out to center but Dad blows it by jerking around. Oh no, more family tragedy. You wanna know the real kicker? Billy Preston is in this film. Billy Fucking Preston. The guy played with the Beatles for cryin' out loud. Now he's playing the role of the keyboard player in "Blame It On The Night." I've seen some stink bombs in my day but never have I seen anything as putrid as this celluloid turd. Who wrote this? Who financed it? What were they thinking? If only my sister were here. We used to crack each other up inserting our own dialogue over bad movies. She'd have a field day with this turkey. You know who else would love this? Pony. Pony has a true appreciation for offensive cheese. Ah, the credits are rolling. Tom Scott did the arrangements, that explains a lot. Ok, rock star dad was played by Nick Mancuso. Hang on, I gotta look him up.
Here he is in all his glory.
Nick Mancuso Birth name Nicodemo Antonio Massimo Mancuso Date of birth (location) 29 May 1948, Mammola, Calabria, Italy
1.Apocalypse IV: Judgement (2001) .... Franco Macalousso
2.Time of Fear, A (2001) .... Jack Barone
3."Call of the Wild" (2000) TV Series .... John Thornton
... aka "Jack London's Call of the Wild" (2000) (USA: complete title)
4.Tribulation (2000) .... Franco Macalousso
5.Jack of Hearts (1999/III)
6.Revelation (1999) .... Franco Macalousso
... aka Apocalypse II: Revelation (1999) (USA)
7.Secret Pact, The (1999) .... Patton
8.Question of Privilege (1999) .... Steven Healy
9."Total Recall 2070" (1999) TV Series .... Richard Collector
... aka "Total Recall: The Series" (1999) (USA)
10.Loving Evangeline (1998) .... Robert Cannon
11.Loyal Opposition: Terror in the White House (1998) (TV) .... General Metzger
12.Perfect Assassins (1998) (TV) .... Samuel Greely
... aka Breed Apart, A (1998) (TV)
13.Total Recall 2070 (1998) (TV) .... Richard Collector
14.Captured (1998) (V) .... Holden Downs
15.Past Perfect (1998) .... Stone
16.Against the Law (1997) .... John Shepard
17.Ex, The (1997) .... David Kenyon
18.Laws of Deception (1997) .... Mather
19.Matter of Trust (1997) .... Peter
20.Misbegotten (1997) .... Paul Bourke
21.Invader, The (1997) .... Willard
22.Marquis de Sade (1996) .... Marquis de Sade
... aka Dark Prince (1996) (video title)
23.Once You Meet a Stranger (1996)
24.Provocateur (1996) .... Toynbey Bates
... aka Agent provocateur (1996) (Canada: English title: video title)
25.Sealed with a Kiss (1996) (TV) .... Barry Kuda
26.Twists of Terror (1996) (TV) .... Crenshaw
... aka Primal Scream (1996) (TV)
27.Vows of Deception (1996) (TV) .... Matt Harding
... aka Deadly Seduction (1996) (TV)
... aka Tangled Web (1996) (TV)
28."Rivière rouge" (1995) (mini) TV Series
29.Takeover, The (1995) (V) .... Anthony Vilachi
30.Young Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court, A (1995) .... King Arthur
31.Young Ivanhoe (1995) (TV) .... De Bourget
32.Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) .... Tom Breaker
... aka Under Siege 2 (1995)
33.Flinch (1994) .... Miles Raymond
34.Suspicious Agenda (1994) .... Jimmy Davane
35.For the Love of Aaron (1994) (TV) .... Stuart Singer
36.Message from Nam (1993) (TV) .... Captain Quinn
... aka Danielle Steel's 'Message from Nam' (1993) (TV)
37."Wild Palms" (1993) (mini) TV Series .... Tully Woiwode
38."Matrix" (1993) TV Series .... Steven Matrix
39.Rapid Fire (1992) .... Antonio Serrano
40.Under Siege (1992) .... Tom Breaker
... aka Piège en haute mer (1993) (France)
41.Somebody's Daughter (1992) (TV) .... Canaan, Noah
42.Lena's Holiday (1991) .... Flynn
43.Vendetta: Secrets of a Mafia Bride (1991) (TV) .... La Manna
... aka Bride of Violence (1991) (TV)
... aka Donna d'onore (1991) (TV)
... aka Family Matter, A (1991) (TV)
44.Lies Before Kisses (1991) (TV) .... Sonny
45.Fatal Exposure (1991) (TV) .... Carl Stone
46.Milena (1991) .... Jaromir
... aka Geliebte Milena (1991) (Germany)
... aka Lover, The (1991/II) (Canada: English title)
47.Double Identity (1990) (TV) .... Flemming
... aka Frontière du crime (1990) (TV) (France)
... aka Haute tension - frontière du crime (1990) (TV)
48.Last Train Home (1990) (TV) .... Sam Steele
... aka Tom Alone (1990) (TV)
49.Burning Bridges (1990) (TV) .... Peter Hollinger
50.Travestie, La (1988) .... Paul Flemming
51.King of Love, The (1987) (TV)
52.Half of a Lifetime (1986) (TV) .... Toby
53."Stingray" (1986) TV Series .... Stingray
54.Death of an Angel (1985) .... Father Angel
55.Embassy (1985) (TV) .... Harry Brackett
56.Stingray (1985) (TV) .... Ray
57.Night Magic (1985) .... Michael
58.Heartbreakers (1984) .... Eli Kahn
59.Paroles et musique (1984) .... Peter
... aka Love Songs (1984)
60.Blame It on the Night (1984) .... Chris Dalton
61."Feel the Heat" (1983) TV Series .... Andy Thorn
62.Tell Me That You Love Me (1983) .... Dan
... aka Miri (1983) (Israel: Hebrew title)
63.Desperate Intruder (1983) (TV) .... Mike
64.Maria Chapdelaine (1983) .... François Paradis
65.Mother Lode (1982) .... Jean Dupre
... aka Search for the Mother Lode: The Last Great Treasure (1982)
66.Legend of Walks Far Woman, The (1982) (TV) .... Horses Ghost
67.Ticket to Heaven (1981) .... David
68.Death Ship (1980) .... Nick
69."Scruples" (1980) (mini) TV Series .... Vito Orsini
70.House on Garibaldi Street, The (1979) (TV) .... Ari
71.Nightwing (1979) .... Youngman Duran
72.Dr. Scorpion (1978) (TV) .... John Shackelford
73.Sweeter Song, A (1976) .... Manuel
... aka Snapshot (1976)
I don't know about you but I'm running out first thing tomorrow and renting "Death of an Angel" 'cause you know that if this guy can play a rock star dad, just imagine what he does with the challenging role of "Father Angel"! I'd rather stick my dick in a bag of broken glass.
